On November 25th, 2020, a movie was released that shook me to my core: The Croods: A New Age. This movie is an absolute trainwreck, with constant shifts in conflict, too many subplots to keep track of, and a confusing moral (if there even is one). The movie was chaotic enough to give me a migraine, but I found myself captivated by a singular aspect of the film: the intense tension between Grug and Phil.
Ha-Ha, Hetero’s
Eep, the daughter of Grug, was smitten by Guy, the man who convinced her to escape her cave and bring her family with her. The first film centered around the family and Guy traveling across the world to find “Tomorrow”.
They are the obligatory heterosexual teenage couple that every movie seems to need – the sequel, however, deviates from this slightly with the addition of the Betterman’s, an advanced family that hesitantly takes the Croods in. They only allowed them to stay because they knew Super Hot Man (AKA Guy) when he was a child and they want him to have a relationship with their daughter, Don (AKA Super Hot Girl).
Banana Bros
Grug and Phil have a different type of tension at the beginning of the movie than the ending. When we first meet the Betterman’s, the adults are extremely condescending towards the Croods – calling them Cavepeople, staring at them in disgust, and dumbing themselves down to try to communicate with them. They apologize for this, then continue to behave in the same way.
Grug and Phil’s relationship begins a little bit after we’re introduced to the Betterman’s when Grug tries to eat a banana, of which the Betterman’s have many. This angers our lord Grug, and a bitter rival festers between the two fathers.
Phil and his insignificant wife try to convince Grug and his insignificant wife to leave their home. Phil takes Grug to his “man cave”, which is practically a sauna, to try to get Grug hot enough to agree to leave. This has unforeseen repercussions, though, and their rivalry grows stronger.
Grug and Ugga (his stupid wife) eat all of the bananas in retaliation to this. Phil throws a tantrum and has a breakdown. After this, Grug, Guy, and Phil proceed to get kidnapped by the Punch Monkeys.
The three of them are taken to the lair, and Grug and Phil fall in love. They twirl each other around, get all up in their faces, and even forget that everyone they know is literally about to get eaten by the Monkey God himself.
Sad Boi Hours
Sadly, they don’t end up getting together on screen – that would be too risky. Earth’s first gay couple is just too extravagant of a plot for DreamWorks, a studio completely created because of how salty Jeffrey Katzenberg was that he lost his job at Disney. What could we expect?
Besides all of that nonsense, the facts are undeniably there – Grug and Phil (better known as the Banana Bros) are in love, and should leave their stupid wives for each other. That’s that, and it’s an undeniable fact.
I can only hope that we see the Banana Bros have a true love story, perhaps in another movie or a spinoff. Enough with Eep and Guy, we want Banana Bros.
